The Misadventures of MERA and a Sue named Marisa
by Firedance Productions
Summary: Full Title: The Marvelous Misadventures of MERA and a Sue Named Marisa: Screwing with Middle-Earth. The MERA is an agency tasked with hunting down and either saving or destroying Mary Sues. When a Sue escapes the corporation headquarters and into the Lord of the Rings world, Hunters and Slayers are dispatched in an attempt to keep the Canon from imploding.
1. First Day Recruits

The elevator was packed tightly with brand-new recruits, employees, and few security guards. There was a constant loud buzz of conversation going on. The recruits were all in the same white t-shirts with the words 'RECRUIT' in bold red letters on the front and back to distinguish from the employees, just in case someone got lost. The elevator had silver walls and a slightly reflective ceiling. There was a bench installed on both sides, inside the walls to take less space, a door to the front. The back had a door, but it was only for higher-ups. The new people were noticeably nervous, fidgeting and shifting around. They grouped together in twos and threes, conversing quietly. Almost all of their conversations involved what working with the M.E.R.A. was really like. The employees were just exasperated, either tired from a mission or having too much on their mind or a long night. A couple of them were nursing injuries. One had a deep cut on his cheek which he was staunching by cupping a fistful of his jacket to the wound. Another had her upper arm tied with a bloody shirt, which was being adjusted by her friend as they sat on the plush seats in the wall. The elevator stopped and the door opened, and a woman stood there. A few employees slipped passed the woman, eager to get away from the crowded elevator. "New recruits this way!" She called, waving a hand before turning and striding down the hallway.  
They were led from the elevator to a separate room, where there was a desk covered in random binders and a computer. There was a woman sitting at the desk was reclining, feet propped up on the desk. She wore dress slacks and a nice top. Her feet wore dark sneakers that could easily be mistaken as dress shoes. She had a binder propped open on her thighs, and was engrossed in reading it. She had wavy brown hair that went just passed her shoulders, and pale blue eyes. She had braces, which she fiddled with using her thumbnail as she read. The other woman, who had a blonde and brown bob, cleared her throat. "Linsey!"  
The woman jumped violently and looked up. "Oh! Sorry Amy! I didn't see you come in." She cried, her feet slipping off the desk.  
She caught the binder as it slid off her legs, shut it, placed it on a pile, and stood. "I'll take it from here." Linsey said. "Good luck in the HP ward."  
Amy snorted, thanked her, and left. The recruits tittered softly, obviously having no idea what Linsey had meant. She didn't explain, walking over to a cord hanging from the ceiling. She tugged it and a large projector screen slowly unfurled itself down. "I'd recommend you have a seat. So everyone can see." She said as she walked back to the desk.  
There was a large amount of shuffling as the recruits struggled to find a spot. When the noise died down, Linsey shut off the lights as a bright screen appeared from a projector hanging from the ceiling. The screen went from white to black and the words MARY SUE appeared in bold white letters, then a monotone voice spoke. "Mary Sues. They are a threat and many believe they must be completely eliminated. They pose dangers to themselves and the world around them. First appearing in the Star Trek world, these 'Sues' have since then spread to almost every fandom. Many are hardly recognizable as a Mary Sue. But many more are dangerous, capable of warping the canon verse in grotesque fantasies of the Sue's wishes."  
During this speech, various pictures and videos showed areas completely destroyed. Almost like a hurricane had swept through. Then it changed. "Rumor has it Sues are just like you and me. They are the same-same-"  
The video had begun to show blurry pictures of Sues, but Linsey stopped the video and the lights flicked on. "Who here was completely terrified by this video?" She asked.  
At first, no one moved. Then a tentative hand lifted up, then another, and another. Linsey pointed at them. "I was in the exact same position as you lot once. Scared half to death by a video. It still gives me the chills, ugh!" She said and a couple of the recruits laughed nervously. "Never mind the video. Now, you all know why you're here."  
The recruits muttered to each other but no one spoke up an answer. "Because you are the best of the best. You are the top nerds, the ones who know their stuff. It's people like you who will protect Canon and its characters. Some of you may never go into the field; your intelligence may be needed here. That job is in no amount less important than the hunters out getting the Sues. That is the lifelong mission of M.E.R.A. Mary-sue Elimination and Rehabilitation Agency."  
They all were silent, then one started clapping. Linsey's face turned a very bright red. It hadn't been that good of a speech had it? She grinned a rather toothy grin. Once the applause died down, she continued, her face returned to it's normal fair color. "Here at the M.E.R.A. we have three levels of Sue. Level 3 is a deranged fangirl, though sometimes it's the author. These are least dangerous, mostly a threat to themselves more than anything. They usually spout random stuff, though the higher sections of the level begin to develop Sue traits. They are the easiest to rehabilitate and can be released into Canon society as background characters or returned to their homes. The one thing to remember about a Level 3 is that they are more human than Sues. They can be convinced to turn away from Sue-ism."  
She let the information sink in before continuing. "Next is Level 2, Mary Sues. It's the most commonly seen Sue, hence why the level is simply Mary Sue! They generally have the normal sue traits of getting what they want, people obey their every whim, they seduce all canon and non-canon characters, and of course the 7 page description of what they look like. There are many sub-types at this level. DetectiveSue, VampSue, LongLostSisterSue, you name it. They are generally pathetically brainless and many times are painfully gullible. These kind of Sues are very hard to rehabilitate. It takes a very long time for Level 2 Sues to be safe for Canon society."  
Again, she paused to allow the information settle. She didn't want to cram the recrui'ts heads with too much information. "Finally, we have Level 1, the God Sue." Linsey said after a long pause. "This kind of Sue is very powerful, usually has a 12+ page description. This kind of Sue is very hard to kill, as it can and WILL come back to life unless properly killed. Usually, these Sues have a Heart of Stone. Though they always call it a Heart of Diamond, adding in many, many pages of details. This kind of Sue is impossible to rehabilitate."  
Linsey rolled her eyes and shook her head when she talked about the length of descriptions. A couple of the recruits laughed nervously. "So, remember; Sues always have long names that would get them nowhere in life if they were normal people. Most have superpowers even if the canon doesn't allow it. Now let's go see some examples."  
The recruits murmured in slight confusion as they got up. "Try and stay together!" Linsey called as she took the lead and walked through a door into a hallway.  
She led them along to a thick steel door. She swiped a card hanging from her neck then pressed her finger on a touchpad. The door opened and the recruits funneled through. The steel door shut and locked audibly. Classical music was being played trough the speakers. On both sides were windows looking into rooms. The walls were all white and bare. Next to each window was a door, and between the window and door was a hook for holding clipboards with paper on them. On each paper were what the Sue's name in the room was and what Level he or she was. Most were Level 2. "Right!" Linsey shouted over the music. "We are going to split into small groups of 4 or 5. An employee will take your group and give you a tour!"  
The recruits split up, pairs joining pairs and threes joining threes. Employees appeared, grabbed a group and leading them away. Linsey took a group of two girls and three boys. They all were unfamiliar with each other, but apparently knew Linsey. "Y-You're that famous Sue killer! The one who's killed a God Sue!" A chubby girl with light brown hair piped up.  
The other recruits hadn't recognized the young woman until they were closer to her. Linsey smiled almost bashfully. "So I guess I'm famous? I don't know, I don't keep up with these kinds of things." She replied. "Let's go."

* * *

They walked down hallways, Linsey pointing out various Sues. They were in the rehabilitation wing of the Lord of the Rings sector. The entire headquarters was huge, a massive underground network. The Sues in the current sector were usually elves, excessively beautiful and almost always screaming and squealing. Linsey's group were genuinely terrified of them. "Don't worry," She comforted. "They can't harm you."  
Suddenly there was a loud screaming shriek, meant to be singing, of, "MY PRIIIIIIINCCCEEEEE!"  
A door slammed and a man, disheveled, appeared out of breath. "By the gods! Let me kill that infernal, inhumane, vile, loathsome, pathetic excuse of a- oh hello Linsey." The man speaking appeared to almost puff up in rage, talking fast, then completely changing his tone, and all but deflate, when he spotted the woman.  
The recruits noticed that the man did indeed resemble the prince, who could only be Legolas. He had longish blonde hair that reached his shoulders, though it was a mixture of curl and wave, and was tied back in a tight ponytail. He ran a hand over his blonde scalp, obviously exhausted. "That girl becomes more like a Level 1 everyday!" He said.  
Linsey crossed her arms, though it was a relaxed gesture and not aggressive. "Maybe one day she'll wake up and be normal." She suggested.  
The man laughed. "Ha! And maybe one day she'll go to sleep and not wake up. I hate my job." He mumbled irritably.  
Linsey looked at him for a while before replying with a big fake grin and a head-nod, "Have fun with that Jon. You could just smother her in her sleep!"  
"Awesome idea!" Jon replied.  
"Oh god don't actually do it." Linsey snapped, the palm of her hand hitting her forehead.  
The recruits wandered to a window as a single pack, staring in like they were at a zoo. "Whaaaaat? I could justify it as self-defense!" Jon protested.  
"Yeah, good luck getting Smitty to believe you." Linsey snorted, referring to the boss of the entire association.  
"You sure? I can be _pretty_ persuasive." He said, crossing his own arms.  
"Pfft, yeah. _No_." Linsey snorted. "Well, I'd better move this lot on."  
"Right, see you later." Jon said, looking tired again, running his hand over his scalp again and walking away.  
Linsey walked silently over to the group, which wasn't hard considering the hallway was very noisy. She put her head very close to the boy's and stood there, staring into the room along with the group. The boy suddenly detected her body heat and turned his head, yelled and jumped away, bumping into the girl beside him and almost knocked her over. Linsey smiled, laughing, and motioned for them to follow her. "C'mon you lot. We've a schedule to keep."

* * *

The recruits were led away, being taken farther into the agency structure, after meeting back up at a rendezvous point near the end of the LOTR sector. Linsey wasn't totally depressed to be passing the recruits off to another employee. Sure, they may be future Sue Slayers or whatever they wished to call themselves, but they were irritating. Many were a bit squealy and others were just silent with fear. Linsey sighed, scratching the back of her head, before turning and striding off. "Hey Linsey!" A voice called.

"Hey Jon." The young woman replied, pausing to let her blonde-haired companion catch up. "How's that Level 2 girl that tried to smother you today?"

"Not good. I talked to a higher-up about her and even _he_ said that she may be beyond help." Jon said as they walked on down the hallway, looking exhausted. "Seriously, she covered her entire room with nail scratching of Legolas. NAIL SCRATCHINGS!"

"With her fingernails?" Linsey asked, purposely asking the obvious.

"No, with her elbow." Jon replied, glared at her. "Yes with her fingernails."

"That….that just…..ew and ow!" Linsey said with many pauses and stammers.

There was a _thunk_ of something hitting glass, followed by a comic squeaking sound. Both jumped, looking at the window from with the noise had come from. A Sue, her hair trailing behind her to the opposite wall, had her face pressed against the glass and appeared to have thrown herself at the window and slid down it, which had caused the squeaking noise. She was staring with impossibly huge eyes at Jon. A huge crack ran diagonal on the window. "Oh crap." Jon muttered, both of them shifting feet in anticipation.

The girl pulled her head away from the glass, rearing back, then slammed her forehead in the window again. Linsey and Jon jumped in shock as cracks spider webbed across the window. "Oh shit!" Linsey hissed, grabbing Jon's arm and stepping backward.

They both backed away, toward an alarm button in the crook of a wall. The Sue made a shrieking screaming sound, as they watched her form rear back again. Linsey slammed her fist into the button, breaking through the plastic covering and triggering the alarm. Red lights flashed and there were echoing clangs as heavy steel doors closed over the exits. The Sue slammed her head against the window for the third time, and it shattered. The girl fell through onto the shards.


	2. Level Ones Suck!

The girl stood up, shards of glass falling from her face. There were no wounds. "Oh shit." Jon groaned, both of them flattened their backs against the wall. "The only day I don't bring my gun…"

"Same here." Linsey hissed, keeping her eyes on the Sue in front of them.

The hallways were filled with an alarm siren and red lights. The Sue made a squealing sound. Jon and Linsey covered their ears with cries of pain. The Sue's hair suddenly stuck out straight in every direction around her, almost artfully, waving gently. She let of another scream. "Oh my god she's trying to sing!" Linsey shouted to her blonde friend over the screaming.

The Sue rushed at Jon. Linsey threw herself into Jon, tackling him to the ground. It may have gotten both of them bruised up, but it saved their lives as the Sue slammed into the wall. The two scrambled to their feet, sprinting down the hallway. "Why the hell does every Sue think I look like Legolas?" Jon shouted angrily.

"Shut up and run!" Linsey replied. "We have to find some weapons."

"How 'bout a fire hose?" Jon suggested.

There was a shriek from the Sue again and a whistling sound as she came rocketing down the hallway, her feet not even touching the ground. Jon ducked and managed to miss getting hit by the Sue. "This way!" Linsey shouted, turning a corner.

They continued running, sirens screaming and red lights bathing everything in an ominous light. The two skidded to a halt in front of one of the heavy steel doors covering the exits. "We're trapped." Jon groaned, slamming his fist on the door.

The was shrieking sound, quieter than the other. "Hide!" Linsey hissed, seizing Jon's sleeve and pulling him into a small alcove where a door was.

They crouched down against the door, Linsey peering out to see where the Sue was. It was floating about two feet off the ground, hair waving around as though she was in zero gravity. "Good god Sues know nothing about physics." Linsey sighed.

Jon shushed her, a look of panic on his face. The Sue had turned toward them. It stared down the hallway then began singing again, spinning around in circles in midair. "SOOOOMME DAAAAY! MY PRIIIIINCE WILL COOOOOOOMEE!" She sang, raising her arms up and out.

"_Mother of God…."_ Jon groaned, covering his ears.

The Sue abruptly stopped singing and Jon and Linsey both froze in terror. _"Alright, on three we run. We have to find a weapon or some other people."_ Linsey whispered as quietly as possible. _"One…..two…."_

The Sue began to float closer. "My prince? Is that you my wonderful darling?" The Sue asked, continuing to move closer.

"Three!" Linsey cried and they both burst from their hiding spot and sprinted as fast as they could down the hallway.

The Sue screamed, both in anger and in delight. "MY PRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINCE!" She sang as the two fleeing from her turned a corner.

They continued and suddenly found themselves cornered. "Oh shit oh shit oh shit!" Linsey cried, pounding her fists on the steel door covering the exit.

There was a shushing sound. "Don't shush me Jon!" The curly-haired young woman snarled at the blonde man.

"That wasn't me!" He protested.

"Linsey shut up!"

A voice issued from the shadows. Someone, or something, seized Linsey's wrist and pulled her into the shadows. Jon was also wrenched down into darkness. "Oh my god!" Linsey hissed. "Koma!"

The voice that had issued from the darkness was a creature that looked like a monster out of a nightmare. It had dark almost leathery skin, digitigrade legs, a long prehensile tail, clawed nails and toes, and a weirdly shaped head. The creature looked not unlike Pumpkinhead from the cult movie. "Holy shit." Jon cried, leaning against the wall.

"Shh!" Koma growled.

The creature was actually a man of about 27, with a normal deep man's voice. The creature's long sharp teeth glinted out of the darkness. _"What's happened?"_ Koma hissed to them.

"_A Sue broke out. I think she's lapsed into Level 1." _Linsey explained. _"She's from the LOTR sector, and wants to steal away Jon."_

There was a snorting sound, unmistakably suppressed laughter. _"Fuck off."_ Jon snarled.

The blonde man normally wasn't the type to swear, but given the circumstance he had no filter on his mouth. _"Then we need to get him out of here. There's an air vent right here. You can escape through there."_ Koma replied after he finished laughing.

There was a shrieking sound, and the Sue came flying down the hallway. Koma seized the two beside him, wrapping a long arm around each of their waists and leaping out of the way. The Sue slammed into wall where they had been. Koma landed twenty feet down the hallway, his seven and a half foot stature revealed. The Sue climbed out of the hole in the wall she had made. She turned to face them, a huge smile on her face, then screamed. Apparently the sight of Koma shocked her into weakness. The Sue covered her face with her hands, falling to her knees and continuing to scream. "So much for the air vent." Koma commented.

"Put me down! I have an idea." Linsey shouted, kicking her legs.

The large creature obliged, putting the young woman down before she wriggled out of his grip anyway. She pulled a small Swiss Army knife from her pocket. "What are you going to do?" Jon shouted. "Stab her in the eye?"

"Koma! Take Jon and go!" Linsey commanded.

"No, you're not taking me anywhere!" Jon protested, making to kick Koma.

"Make up your mind!" Koma replied, sounding irritable over the Sue's screaming.

Linsey ran right up to the Sue, seized a fistful of the girl's hair, and hacked it off. The Sue started screaming, shrieking and writhing. Linsey backed away, waiting, then slipped around behind her and into the shadows. "I'm going through the vent! C'mon while there's time!" She shouted.

Koma walked over, passed the writhing Sue, and put Jon down in the shadows. Linsey had already pulled open the air vent and crawled inside. Jon was about to clamber in after her when the Sue moved. In the blink of an eye she struck. One moment Jon was about to climb in, the next he was letting out a horrible cry of pain as he fell. Blood flew in everywhere. Koma leapt on the Sue, using his claws to tear her throat open. "Linsey come back!" He shouted.

The young woman immediately scrambled out. "Oh my god Jon!" She cried, turning the blonde man over.

The Sue let out a shriek, still alive, and suddenly launched into the air. Her long hair flew everywhere, whipping around like knives and cutting them all. She flew through the steel doors, smashing them open, and vanished.

* * *

"Jon, stay with me!" Linsey cried, holding her friend's bloody hand.

"That….bitch…." Jon mumbled, moaning in pain.

Koma had gone through the vent to try and get help from one of the healers. "Come keep your eyes open it's just a lot of blood. You're fine." Linsey comforted, reassuring herself and Jon.

"Hey…." Jon mumbled. "Make sure…. to give her….my regards…"

"You're gonna be fine. Don't say that. It's not over yet. You gotta fight." The young woman begged, her voice cracking.

The young man had a single laceration across his stomach; blood splattered on the ground. "Come on. You gotta fight." She said again.

There was a grinding sound and the heavy steel doors, which had been smashed by the Sue escaping, were opened. "Jesus Christ!" A voice cried.

"Oh thank God!" Linsey cried, bursting into tears. "David."

A young man had rectangle glasses and short dark hair came running forward as soon as he could fit through the opening. He knelt down beside Jon, pulling up the young man's shirt to expose the wound. "God damn Linsey!" The young man said as he put his hands over the wound. "You just can't take care of your friends can you?"

"Sh-Shut up." The young woman replied, her face bright red from frustration and crying.

"Alright Jon, how you feel?" David asked the blonde, who was barely conscious.

"Like…..shit…." He replied, clearly going downhill.

"Right, just try to stay awake. As in, _stay awake_." David replied, leaning over Jon and grinning, then turning to Linsey. "C'mon girl, pull yourself together. I need you to hold him down."

"R-Right." Linsey replied, wiping her face off with her sleeve and crawling over.

Koma appeared, striding through the doorway. "Koma, hold his shoulders and head, we can't have him smash his head open. Linsey, you need to hold his legs. He might kick me and that'll throw off the healing."

Linsey laid herself over his legs, using her entire weight to hold them down. Koma placed his hands on both of Jon's shoulders, to keep them down. "Right, everyone ready?" David asked.

Before they could reply, David put both of his hands on the wound and pressed down. Jon screamed in pain, his body trying to writhe. The minute it took David to work felt like an eternity but slowly Jon stopped screaming and fighting, his eyes slowly closing. "We should get him to the infirmary." David said, then looked at Linsey's face with a grin. "He's only unconscious."

The girl's face had looked fear-stricken. She punched his arm. "You're such a joker." The young woman said, starting to sob again.

Koma let go and sat back. "Hey Koma, could you take him to the infirmary? You're the only one that can carry him." David asked the creature.

"Yeah sure." He replied, scooping up the blonde man and striding away.

"I think you need a day off." David said, standing up and brushing off his knees. "C'mere."

The dark-haired man helped the girl to her feet and gave her a hug.


End file.
